5 years

Today, five years ago, life changed forever. Not just my life, but the lives of a family I've never met. I don't know anything about them, if their saved or not, but I pray for them often. As stupid as it may sound, every year, for about the week prior to the 11 always wonder what Mr. Garcia was doing and how he spent that last week. Every year today, I wonder what happened that morning before he got in the car. And even beyond that, right up until 8:30, I actually wish I could somehow tell myself "don't go that way! Take your normal route. Leave just 2 minutes earlier." I guess all these years later I'm still trying to find the balance between sorrow and grief for his family and thw self inflicted punishment I feel I need to go through. I know people tell me "it's not your fault, it was an accident." But the truth of the matter is, how do you just get over the fact that someone is dead because of an accident you caused? I still feel at times that I don't deserve certain things or deserve to feel certain ways. I'm alive and he is dead. The Lord of all, who gives and takes away, showed me His sovereignty in that. These are my thoughts; As wrong as some of them may be.